Recently, I
met a good friend of mine in SL, Becca (“Bec”) Kellstrom, a RL
UCC
minister and a board member of
First
UCC
to discuss this topic. (Significant
Other is convinced Bec views me as part of her role to look after everyone and
anyone including the likes of me. SO
believes this demonstrates Bec’s commitment to selflessness and never
questioning whatever is sent her way.
Me? I always thought Bec just
appreciated answers to her questions about Twitter.)
In her
ministry inworld, Bec fills many roles.
She counsels
those in need, preaches on occasion, plants in the garden, and helps with the
administration of First UCC. (Bec also
has a more than full life in RL and I’m sure how she does it all. I do know that she appreciated my recent
story on maintaining balance in SL!)
While
visiting First UCC for several stories, I had spoken with Bec about those who
come inworld either escaping from some RL issue or looking for something or
someone in SL. Some come looking for
help, others are unaware that they may be able to find it inworld.
This story
relates the latest conversation between us.
Bec shares her experiences and her thoughts about how people find help
inworld. Throughout this discussion,
privacy of all was protected. I neither
asked for personal information nor did Bec offer to supply any. We spoke in generalities but I think you’ll
understand what we talked about.
In her
experience, Bec finds that those who need help inworld are either arriving with
issues and not knowing they can be helped, are homebound or isolated
geographically, or in need of a text based messaging system with language
translation capability in order to communicate with others because they are
hearing impaired or don’t speak English.
Bec believes
that some people are aware of what SL can offer because they have RL friends
who direct them here. Many more come inworld thinking this is just a game, and
then discover how much their real feelings play into the relationships they
develop. Largely, however, she thinks most
discover help by accident.
When asked if organizations
like First UCC have an outreach program to bring people needing help in or is
it more just waiting for them to show up, Bec replies that as a church, and a
progressive one on social justice issues, they're always trying to figure out
how to reach people. Many do just show up, yet the longer they're around and
the more groups they become involved with, the more people seek them out on
purpose. She cites as an example, their
small presence in Pride Week, which they hope to make more of next time.
Bec continues by explaining
that when people discover that First UCC is a good fit in their faith journey,
they bring friends, so just like a congregation in RL, they grow by word of
mouth.
I ask whether the LGBT a major
part of the communities First UCC serves inworld. Bec states that this church in SL began to
serve the people in the gender diverse and sexual orientation communities, yet
has grown to serve a wide variety of people.
When we begin to talk about
individual examples of people seeking help and receiving it, Bec explains how
this may happen. She says that so many
of their regular members are people who grew up in strict religious households,
and so simply lived the lives they thought they were supposed to live: work,
marriage, and children. Arriving
inworld, they can speak with Bec and other members of the First UCC staff and
can be helped through their personal journeys of self-discovery. For many of these people, this is something
that they can’t do in RL.
Bec also mentions meeting
several people who haven't had opportunity to marry in RL, or to have children,
but have a strong desire to do both. Folks fall in love in SL and host
elaborate weddings she says. They experience virtual adoption of other people's
avatars
(whether as children or adults), and even virtual pregnancy and child
birth.
On social media, these families
post whole albums of daily life as time goes by and children grow.
She’s seen many SL profiles listing aunts,
uncles, grandparents, cousins, siblings, etc.
Bec concludes by saying but for those who can't relocate, who can't meet
in RL, they do live the whole virtual lives of their dreams.
I would say
this definitely is an example of people finding the help and support that they
can’t find in RL.
I ask about
the types of care provided.
Bec replies
that the staff listen and offer what guidance they can from a faith
perspective. Then they encourage people get seek RL help whenever possible,
whether that be a church, therapy, or groups.
She continues saying that SL changes the pastoral care. In RL, people
can call her, or e-mail, or stop in the office. In SL, she leaves IM's or NC's.
Some contact her via social media, or her SL e-mail, but largely, they wait
until she’s on-line.
I ask about those who First UCC encounters and
who either couldn't be helped or had to be banned?
Bec states that this is
difficult, because so many people living with untreated, or under-treated,
mental health issues, or substance abuse issues, can be a handful. And we're
clergy, not trained as professional therapists.
They put first the safety and well being of the congregation, and don't
allow others to be verbally abusive or make the visitors and members feel
uncomfortable. There have been incidents
but as Bec explains they don't ban right away, unless it is terrible. They try
to talk to people, to give them a chance to reform their behavior, to seek
help, and to help them realize how their rude or crude actions are affecting
others.
I ask Bec about the challenges
of trying to help others inworld.
Bec says mostly not being a
physically present support in daily life, which so many people need, which is
why they encourage connecting with a RL congregation and others as much as
possible.
As for the future of helping
others inworld Bec thinks this congregation will continue to enrich the
experience for people living their whole lives in SL. For people who are
waiting to make a change or live authentically in their RL, they'll continue to
affirm them as God's beloved children and hopefully find wholeness.
My interview drew to a close
and I thanked Bec and left. (Significant
Other feels knowing when I’m about to wear out my welcome is one of my better
points!)
I come away
with a better understanding of how people can find help and how it’s
provided.
This
interview with Bec and my previous interactions with First UCC have reinforced
for me how virtual worlds like SL can be more than a simple game or a chat
tool. SL can make a positive difference
in people’s lives!
While we talked, I’d asked Bec
about the toll, emotionally, physically, and stresswise, of giving care in a
virtual environment on the caregivers.
She shared her personal story with me.
Bec explains that she can only
answer for herself, since all of their staff spend
different amounts of time
in-world.
Initially, Bec tried to spend
as much time in SL as possible, to meet people, be present as a pastor, listen
and learn everyone’s stories. After
months of late nights, which is when most people are inworld, the lack of sleep
took a toll on her physical health. Now she’s
present during the day in her time zone, and only makes occasional evening
visits.
Bec adds, “Your blog about
balance was right on! I needed to put my RL first. It's difficult, though. I
pray a lot for the people I know who are struggling.” (Maybe I do add some value!)
This is a commitment which is
hard to find even in RL.
Some may disregard this story
because it’s about a faith based community or a virtual world. They’ll dismiss all as either superstition or
role play.
I’ve long ago accepted that
not all believe in a Higher Being, Whomever She may be. I recognize that there are all manners of
faith from the individual to the group.
I personally believe in God. (And
am eternally grateful that She has a sense of humor or I’d have been in trouble
a long time ago. Remember, in RL,
churches and Starbucks are the only places I have yet to be ejected for which
Significant Other always marvels at.)
What I do know is that people
come together to help others that we’re all better for it.
Let’s focus on the results!
The work of Bec and her
colleagues at First UCC reflects this attitude.
All are welcome regardless of
faith and all will be helped!
I’d like to thank Bec for time
and hospitality in meeting me for this story.
I know she put aside many important tasks to see me and tell her
story. For this I’m grateful!
As always, I’m grateful to all
inworld for their kindness and time in stopping to talk with a stranger who was
passing through their lives.
My Twitter handle is @webspelunker. Please feel free to follow me and I’d be
happy to follow you.
I can be found on Google+ as
webspelunker Ghostraven.
My flickr Photostream is
located here.
On Skype I’m webspelunker
Ghostraven.
Open roads
and kind fires!
