Sex and the Single Avatar in Second Life VI: Interview with a Domme

Everyone is a potential naked slave to you once you become a trainer.

Anne Rice

          This installment of Sex and the Single Avatar in Second Life goes back to a subject that I’ve blogged a lot about since my start in Second Life (SL), BDSM .  My last story visited a nude beach so I thought it was time to get back to people and their practices inworld rather than place with this story. 

          Since I first started visiting with the BDSM community inworld, I’ve met with doms, dommes, and submissives (“subs”).  I’ve visited clubs and other places where BDSM is practiced.  One of my goals has been to interview a dom or domme.  Subs seem to like to talk.  But for some reason, doms and dommes seem to be somewhat more reticent.  Well, after several months of looking and a couple of false starts, I’m happy to report that I’ve finally met a domme who was willing to be interviewed.  (Actually, I met her while researching nudist beaches!  There is a method to my madness.) 

           Dorina Slade is an inworld domme who rezzed into SL on May 3, 2007.  Dorina like many noobies in SL quickly became curious about what her avatar looked like without her clothes on and the rest, as they say is history.  She passed through phases of being an escort and a kajira in a Gorean sim before moving onto BDSM.   Dorina only practices BDSM in SL and as for Real Life, “…that’s another story…” as she says. 

          Le Harem de Dorina is a SL group founded by Dorian and is not a place.  She designed it as a sexy family where all members could enjoy using and being used by one another, depending on the time zones and the genders of the people online.  Dorina says one never knows how the game can run.  Members ascend the group’s hierarchy by serving well or go back down the way they came if they don’t behave. She continues saying that this brings out a great sense of emulation and gameplaying especially as Dorina describes herself as quite bad tempered and may punish a sub who has served her well and reward another one who has gone wild.  Dorina would like to keep the group small with really motivated subs, too many subs makes it hard to be serious with all of them. 

Dorina began as a sub because she says she had a lot to learn first.  She found a good Mistress and Master and was “conveniently” instructed (sounds interesting).  As time went by, Dorina found herself more and more attracted to domination, especially of men.  She practiced and became more daring and understood that this was what she wanted.  So, after a while, when she tried to enter a BDSM sim as a sub, Dorina found it so boring that it became to clear to her that she could not go back.  It was “domme or die” for Dorina. 

As to why Dorina became a paid domme, she says she needed money to buy clothes and stuff. The easiest (and most pleasant!) way to earn Lindens was escorting.  She found she was good at it, men were ready to pay for usual services, and to overpay for being humiliated, beaten, and being taken advantage of.  It was easy, funny, and she didn’t even have to undress or have sex with them.  

Dorina’s favorite practices involve using men.  Although as she puts it, “I never have sexy with sex.”  She enjoys rear entry sex with them or “obliging” them to play with each other.  In fact, she considers the latter to be a real treat as she then knows that they are really, fully obedient. 

Among her subs, there are no real limits among the men.  Some enjoy anal, some being slapped, others serving as human urinals.  There was one fellow once Dorina recalls who was absolutely straight but after a while he was one of the best fellatists she had ever seen and would ask the Harem Master for sex.  She considers him one of her greatest victories! 

I ask Dorina what a typical session for her group is like and she says it all depends on the sub, the moment, and her mood.  They are not typical and as sometimes there can be as many as three or four subs at the same time, there can be many combinations. 

          There are about ten subs in Le Harem de Dorina but only a few are used by her frequently.  She prefers to have a few subs and to use them well and to be ready and able to respond to their needs.  Dorina sometimes wonders who the real dominant is as the subs just have to obey while she has to think it all over. 

          I inquire about how well the group is doing, is it growing?  Dorina says she’d rather keep the group small as too many subs make it hard to be serious with all.  (Le Harem de Dorina does have an application which does ask applicants fairly direct questions about their preferences in case anyone is interested.) 

          My last question to Dorina is about her thoughts about the state of BDSM in SL today.  She replies that there are too many subs don’t know what BDSM really means and too many doms and dommes (often guys with a female avatar) are just there for some quick sex.  

          I want to thank Dorina not only for this interview and her frank and candid answers.  She maintains her own blog which while not current does give a fun account of her early days in SL. 

          Below, I’ve included a link to a picture of Dorina and some BDSM sites that I’ve visited inworld.  My pictures do not do any of the sites justice, please visit them if you can! 

          As always, I’m grateful to all for their kindness and time in stopping to talk with a stranger who was passing through their lives.

I welcome feedback from readers, please either comment on my blog or e-mail me at webspelunker@gmail.com . 

          If you would like to read about my other adventures in Second Life please click here.

Photo No. 1 Dorina Slade

Photo No. 2 Heavy Bondage Club Entrance

Photo No. 3 Heavy Bondage Club Pony Play Track

Photo No. 4 Heavy Bondage Club Dungeon Entrance

Photo No. 5 Heavy Bondage Club Dungeon Cages

Photo No. 6 Dark Wishes Arrival Area

Photo No. 7 Dark Wishes Village and Harbor

Photo No. 8 Dark Wishes Castle Main Hall

Photo No. 9 Dark Wishes Maze Entrance

Photo No. 10 Dominari Dance Floor

Visit to a BDSM Club

Night time is really the best time to work. All the ideas are there to be yours because everyone else is asleep.

Catherine O'Hara

Recently, I attended the opening party for a new BDSM club, Domus Dominari Pietas , in Second Life (SL).  I dropped by and had a fun time.  Unfortunately, everyone at the club was busy having a blast and I had to leave for another appointment so I didn’t have much time to talk with the owners about Domus.  However, knowing that my loyal readers (OK, I know there’s at least one of you out there.) would want to know more, I made arrangements to return and have an interview with one of the owners, kitten. 

I return to meet kitten at the club one evening for our interview.  We begin by talking about the Ds family which is behind the club.  Kitten tells me that there is a Real Life (RL) BDSM family behind Domus.  She is one of the newest members and proud of the duality between SL and RL.  For safety reasons, kitten cannot speak about the RL part of their community.  I respect their desire for privacy.  (This isn’t News of the World!)

kitten describes herself as a slavemissive, a term coined by a RL friend of hers.  She does not consider herself property, but feels she is deeper than a sub which is a fine line in between she adds.  Kitten is collared by Master Wey, also an owner of the club.  (She is also the owner of Infinity Photography inworld and I hope to do a story about that at another time.) 

I ask her why she came to the BDSM lifestyle inworld and she replies that she had suffered a loss five years ago which left her masterless.  She shut off her subside completely and came here to see if she could even find her again.  kitten says that she came back with grace. 

Note how kitten refers to her subside as “she”.  I’m learning that subs refer to themselves in almost as many ways as there are subs. When I mention this to her, kitten replies that there is no sub handbook, no cookie cutter form, each sub/slave/slavemissive gives what they and their masters are comfortable with.   kitten hopes each one is different in their own way

I next ask her what satisfaction does she derive in SL as opposed to RL?  Her answer is being with a family 24/7 in both SL and RL is a good platform for roles and rules for an SL/RL relationship.  However, if it’s SL only then at least one can fulfill the inner need to serve and pacify oneself till finding exactly what’s being looked for.

I ask if it’s about the emotional side when inworld.  kitten says that she can’t speak for others, but emotions are first for her. Once a master has the mind and heart, the body will follow.  I then query if there is a physical counterpart to what happens in SL?  She replies again that she can’t speak for others but for her, absolutely, there is.  I continue asking if it’s sexual and she says yes, of course.  Wishing to save this line of questioning for another blog, I turn our interview to a discussion of the club itself. 

I begin by inquiring about the reasons for establishing the club.  kitten explains that the family had been to a few other clubs in SL, some were amazing, others not so much.  They wanted a place comfortable for Ds BDSM lifestylers.  Just family and comfort as she puts it.  This led them to establishing Domus. 

At Domus there would be no judging, all would be welcome.  Master Wey makes the final decisions but all the family members are owners. The only rules are nor griefing, no drama, and everyone plays nice in the sandbox. 

In reply to my query about how well they have been doing, kitten says that they are nearing their one hundredth member.  She adds that they are in no hurry to build membership numbers but prefer quality to quantity.  People being happy is the most important thing for the club. 

kitten continues, explaining about the social life.  The club is still working on a set schedule.  Various events are planned for Saturdays.  Discussion groups for members will be implemented.  There is a Submissive Sisterhood group open to sub sisters for support and guidance and they typically organize club events. 

Besides the main hall which serves as receiving area and dance floor, the club has several other theme rooms which can be TP’d to.  These include the Kitty Room, Bondage Room, Love Grotto, Interrogation Room (I wonder if it would violate journalistic ethics if I were to use this room for my interviews?), Medical Room, Dungeon, and something called the Sin Box.  Then there’s a race track called the Sky Track and I’m still trying to figure out how this fits into the grand scheme of things.  Kitty confirms that these are frequented at all hours of the day. 

My last question to kitten is what would she like my readers to know about the club?

Kitten smiles when she replies.  She wants them to that RL or SL makes no difference when it comes to their desires. 

They can choose to be stifled or can open themselves up to experiences that can enrich their souls.  kitten and her family want to offer that comfort zone to experience new things, either to submit or to dominate.  She adds that people should just be who they’re comfortable being. She explains that’s why one’s “skin” is so important.  (SL residents will understand that analogy.) They have to be comfortable in their skins.

What is really my last question is whether Domus is open to people who are new to BDSM and curious?  kitten says of course they are.  This is why the Submissive Sisterhood group and soon Sub Brotherhood group is coming.  These are “no dom allowed” groups for peer to peer bouncing of ideas and problems.  New and interested people are welcome, and even if it’s not someone’s cup of tea, they are invited to join their gatherings and talks.

At this point, I thank kitten for her time and take my leave.  My visit with her has been interesting and given me some things to think about. First, the connection between RL and SL for this BDSM family and how SL is used as social media. I don’t think Facebook lends itself to what they do.  (I’d like to see a Dungeon in Facebook.)  Next, so far, most people whom I’ve met inworld who are in the BDSM lifestyle also appear to be involved with it to some degree in RL.  Although, I want to be careful of generalizations here.  Finally, the BDSM community inworld is large, diverse, and I haven’t even begun to touch all its facets. 

          I’ll continue my journey across the BDSM community for a while yet.  There are still many people and places I have yet to visit and bring their stories back. 

I want to thank kitten for her time and willingness to share her life with us.  I’m also grateful to Domus for their hospitality.  I would encourage all who are either involved in the BDSM community or who interested in it to check the club out. 

As always, I’m grateful to all for their kindness and time in stopping to talk with a stranger who was passing through their lives. 

I welcome feedback from readers, please either comment on my blog or e-mail me at webspelunker@gmail.com . 

     If you would like to read about my other adventures in Second Life please click here.

Photo No. 1: kitten I

Photo No. 2: kitten II

Photo No. 3: Domus Main Hall  

Still Among the Submissives!

There’s something very sexy about being submissive.  Because your guard is down, you have to totally surrender to something like that.

Eva Longoria

Last week I continued my journey in the BDSM community in Second Life (SL) by visiting some clubs inworld with a friend.  (Surprisingly, she’s still talking to me.)  Earlier blogs had me visiting with SL submissives, Flame Tearfall, and Anu Sands.  This week I visit with another sub, Akasha Sternberg.  (I know, I know, when am I going to interview a dom or a domme, or the ever elusive switch?  I’m working on it and will have some soon.)

I met Akasha a short while ago while making my way through the SL community in the Metaverse.  She’s been a regular reader of my blogs for a while.  We began talking and I learned that she was involved with the BDSM lifestyle inworld.  Initially, Akasha was reluctant to be quoted in an interview about BDSM because she is trying to establish herself as a model in SL and was concerned about the repercussions of being associated with BDSM.  Then, recently, she IM’d me and said that she had to be who she was and if anyone didn’t like it then tough. She agreed to do the interview.  (SL may be a virtual world but society’s pressures seem to be the same whether inworld or in Real Life (RL).)  We scheduled a time for the interview and I’m pleased to bring Akasha’s story to my readers in this blog. 

Akasha and I meet at her office at the Ataahua Oceanic Modeling Agency Headquarters.  It´s a fairly young agency and she’s one of the directors.  Rank has its privileges even in SL.  The offices are nicely appointed in an Asian motif.  (At least, I think it’s Asian.  Apologies if the designer had something else in mind.)  Akasha is dressed casually and sits on a cushion on the floor while I take a chair.  (No, I’m not trying to assert dominance, it’s just that I still have problems with sitting and furniture inworld.)  Akasha is OOC for this interview. 

We begin by speaking about her involvement with BDSM in SL.  Akasha explains she’s only slightly involved with the lifestyle inworld.  She’s had a few owners, was partnered to one but never went through any training, was a slave or “something”.  Her experiences have been more role playing based.

               Akasha’s SL profile indicates she is interested in being a switch and I next ask her about this.  She explains that basically, yes, though most recently she seems to turn more and more into a sub because she doesn’t have the slightest motivation in being the top. She received an offer the other day to be the top and it made her laugh because the thought was so off to her. Akasha has switched with her RL boyfriend in the past, or rather started as the Dom part but, she likes the sub-side better.  Even though she claims to be very “bratty” (her word not mine) and will never be a slave or even a doormat.  (I still have a lot to learn about the various degrees of submission.)  Laughing, Akasha adds that she does have her “dommy” moments though. 

I’m having a hard time classifying her.  (What’d you expect?  I’m a writer, everyone and everything has to fit neatly somewhere.)  I tell her that she seems to fall somewhere in the middle.  Akasha replies that those moments are rare and she feels more like a sub.  However, those "Masters" and "Doms" who expect every female to drop to their knees and call them Sir, eyes tilted to the floor - those trigger her dom-side. She’s dismissive of those who think they´re everybody´s walking dream ....and forget that submission is a gift that has to be deserved and earned.  This is not a woman to be trifled with I’m learning. 

My next question is whether BDSM for her in SL is just role play, or is there an emotional/sexual side.  Akasha says that it’s role play and of course it triggers emotions but it also gives her ideas - either for stories or things she´ll try out in RL or maybe even a blog entry (which wouldn´t be aimed at THAT (Akasha’s emphasis) particular situation) but it could become just an item that springs to her mind, an image, an emotion that triggers the idea of an outfit or an item or whatever.

I then ask her whether she came to BDSM in SL from RL or was it the other way around.  Akasha says actually BDSM was why she came back to SL after a three and a half year break.  She wanted to find new impulses, ideas and stuff to try in RL.  SL has become “muuuuuch” more for her though and while she hasn’t had any BDSM recently, it was the reason she came back and she wouldn´t want to leave it completely.

          We then turn to whether Akasha is now wearing a collar and has she worn one before.  She is wearing a collar and she has been officially collared three times.  Though, she is always a primary owner in both OpenCollar and Tokon.  She is very careful which rights she gives.  Usually she does have more rights than her owner but she does always have the same rights as her owner as a minimum. As of now she is not owned by anybody.  She is single in any form there could be (SL wise) and is owned by herself. Her personal group has access to her collar as long as she does not have anybody claiming her exclusively (Because she doesn´t do poly stuff or share.  Mine is mine, she adds), What she is wearing she wore because it was the necklace that matches best with her outfit. Akasha does have protectors that care about her and watch over her, they play but usually do not use the collar. RLV is deactivated and would only be active if she really felt like it and is with someone she trusts deeply.

I then ask the question that Akasha says she has been dreading, what is BDSM to her?  I mention that some subs talk of the freedom experienced.  I want to know her viewpoint. 

               To Akasha, BDSM is all about trust and she emphasizes this.  She says that she learns about herself, the human psychology, others, and it can be a stress relief. (Though she adds “We all know - don´t take your anger out on your sub...”). She has learned to accept her darker sides more, grow more confident and sometimes she adds, certain agreements (‘ten spanks if that and that isn´t done... or something’) can help her focus (so do "good girl spanks"). 

               I return to Akasha’s comment about her “darker sides” and ask about these. 

          She laughs as she replies that it’s how the majority of humans see them and how quite a lot see BDSM as screaming and whip cracking and whatnot  - not knowing there is much more to it. But of course, she continues, there are thinks like edge play (blood, fire, ice, knifes...) that can trigger things that could be considered dark.

I then ask her what are her favorite practices inworld.  She replies the good old bare bottom spanks (the oldies are always the best) and maybe a little blood play, mind games, sensoral deprivary, it´s the mix that counts for Akasha.

When she engages in these, is it all role play I continue with the questioning.  When she’s being spanked inworld, is she being spanked in RL?

Akasha replies no. Her RL boyfriend knows what she’s doing in SL and if he thinks I do too much he just claims her in RL. Other than that if he sees Akasha’s screen and sees her being spanked all he does is ask her “What the hell I did this time?”  She is laughing throughout this part of the interview.  (I have so much to learn here.) 

               I know our interview is drawing to an end as I hit my favorite questions about what the interviewee likes best and least inworld. In this case, I ask these of Akasha concerning BDSM.

         
               For what she likes, Akasha says that it is like a library but an interactive one with easy access to more and more knowledge.  Not all experiences one makes are good (her three owners turned out to be fails, same with the BDSM related clubs she’s gone to.) But, still she has found interesting things inworld.

                As for what Akasha doesn’t like about BDSM inworld, she speaks of people whining "if you´re taken in RL you cannot have someone in SL", "collarsluts" of both genders that just collect subs (many subs I meet talk of this type and usually not favorably) or get collared by collectors, those "Masters" and "Doms" she mentioned earlier, not paying attention to their looks or behavior but expecting subs to kneel because they are the Dom and the sub female.  These are the things that bother Akasha about BDSM in SL. 

This leads to my question about whether she encounters much sexism inworld.  Akasha says she does and adds that she can’t say she’s been innocent in that regard either.  She feels she is better with males in any world, life, situation so some of her views are misogynistic, but being the special illogical creature she is, she excludes herself and few well-chosen gals,  - as the exception to the rule so to speak.  (Please don’t write in and say I’m sexist, I’m taking Akasha’s comments here.)  I ask her if any of her owners have ever been dommes and Akasha replies in the negative and says that she would never submit to a female or role play with one. 

At this point, I thank Akasha and take my leave of her.  I’m still a little perplexed as to how to describe her.  She’s very much her own person and calls the shots in her relationships from what I can see.  Maybe Akasha said it best herself when she said, “I act up at times and talk back and whats (sic) not, but I´m the sub.  I call myself a bratty sub.”   

I’d like to thank Akasha Sternberg for taking the time to meet with me and to talk about her life in the SL BDSM community.  I’m especially grateful to her for how she opened herself up and talked about herself inworld.  For me, Akasha is another example of the SL resident who has a real life (not RL) inworld and is sensitive about the feelings of others and not just her own. 

As always, I’m grateful to all for their kindness and time in stopping to talk with a stranger who was passing through their lives. 

I welcome feedback from readers, please either comment on my blog or e-mail me at webspelunker@gmail.com . 

     If you would like to read about my other adventures in Second Life please click here.

Photo No. 1: Akasha Sternberg I

Photo No. 2: Akasha Sternberg II

Photo No. 3: Akasha Sternberg III